Hello my darlings
It's week 2 of my 8 week challenge: Find Your Slow. By now you've been meditating daily as I have, and tried the various meditation videos I shared in my last journal entry.
Don't get discouraged if you're just starting out and still finding meditation strange. It's not about keeping still for 20 minutes, but more about focusing your thoughts and being mindful about the state of your body: pay attention to your breath. Like anything, the more you practice the easier it becomes. You only have to gain from these daily practices.
This week, as it's Chinese New Year, and the year of the Pig, I want to you to pay special attention to your 'circle of light' and your social circle. The Chinese have this wonderful term called 'Pig friends'. These are the friends you eat and drink with and have fun times together. No emotional baggage, just fun and light conversation. The 'circle of light' is a term I use to describe the friends that you share a deeper connection with, confide in and trust fully. Both these types of friends serve a very important role in your life, but the circle of light is the friend you should consciously choose with love.
Our oldest friends may not necessarily be 'circle of light' friends, and it's important to understand that that's ok. You are not betraying anyone, by choosing to keep things light and friendly with old friends, and family. The people you keep closest to you are the ones that have the most influence on you, your thoughts, your actions and reactions. It's your responsibility to yourself to make sure that these friends are on the same level as you, if not higher, and support your growth with love and without judgement.
It's always a good test to determine what category you should consider a friend by being mindful of how they make you feel. Does a deep and personal conversation with this person leave you feeling drained, guilty, or low. Or does this person lift you up and leave you feeling inspired, energised and bright. You are at your most vulnerable to influence when you are going through a personal struggle. Who do you turn to at these times? Who brings out the best in you, and you do the same for them?
My circle of light was really clarified to me during the major changes in my life, such as when I started my own business. When I started my own business, and quit my job, I had naively expected the support of my friends and family. Instead, the change was met with passive jealousy and fear. I know it sounds strange, and I say this with absolute love and respect. It's normal to be envious, we are all guilty of it. But when you are on the receiving end of that envy it's not always something you can see or even understand until some time passes and you can be objective about the situation.
My girlfriends would ask me loads of questions about my business, and seemed to be interested in what I was doing, but their actions did not show supportive behaviour. When you have a friend who has a business, you support them by showing up at their events, making a small purchase, talking about their business to other friends. My brand was the worst / best kept secret amongst my social circle. They all knew what I was doing, following me on social media, reading my newsletters (yes babe....I see you) but not actively supporting my success. I would get backhanded jokes about 'living the dream' and making money while not working as hard as they did. Anyone that runs their own business knows just how much time, investment and energy goes into making it work. Not something an employee would ever understand, and that's really ok. You don't need to understand everything to support your friends. Your 'circle of light' friends would be your number one fans and cheerleaders during a time that you are trying to up-level and pursue your passion or purpose, no matter their personal opinion or feelings. When people judge, they are only reflecting their limiting beliefs. Another reason that keeping your circle of light pure and high vibe is so very important. You already have your own limiting beliefs and ego to work on, you don't need outside influence that will keep you small and fearful of dreaming big.
Another great life changing event that REALLY decluttered my social circle was my divorce. It was a period in my life that I felt most alone and deserted by all, having just being rejected by my husband. It hurt to think that all those friends, who I valued, were not there for me when I needed them most. Many of them felt awkward like they would have to choose between my and my ex, if they remained friends with me. It was something I never even considered at the time, that people still think like that. It's very small minded and old fashioned to not be able to view your friendship with a couple independent of their relationship. Friendship is a connection between two people, binded by their common beliefs, their interests and their love and mutual respect.
I can write this now, because I have come out on the other side of that storm and have grown in the process. The end of one toxic relationships (my marriage) was the end of all my toxic relationships (the social circle at that time of my life). People enter and exit our lives as we grow and evolve, to teach us a certain lesson about ourselves. The longer it takes you to learn that lesson, the more it will be repeated to you through similar situations. During my growth period, as uncomfortable as it was, I had to face certain truths about my relationship with myself. I did not love and respect myself enough, and hence attracted people that reflected that belief. The detox period post-divorce left me feeling empty and lacking, like an addict. I was addicted to toxic relationships that always left me giving more than I was receiving, leaving me drained. The end of my marriage left me so drained and tired, that I had nothing left to give to anyone. So all the energy-vampires left me too. What good is a corpse with no blood. Muahahaha.... Who else is loving my cheesy metaphors?!
On a serious not though, don't take things personally when friends drop out of your life. It only means you have out grown each other, and one of you is levelling up. Make sure it's you though! It's your duty to keep levelling up and reaching higher heights. Release them with love and with light always.
My circle of light is tiny, but incredibly high value. It's taken me a long time to accept that it's okay to have only a few friends that I confide in, and also to have less expectations from pig friends. It wasn't until I heard this term that I finally understood the role of these friends (and family) in my life. It's important to nurture both of these types of friendship, but don't heavily invest in relationships that don't serve your highest purpose.
Feel free to declutter your social circle, and make a clear distinction between your wonderful pig friends (it really is a good term) and your loving and empowering circle of light. You don't need to do anything radical like change your behaviour, just be mindful of the conversations that you have with people. You've heard the saying that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. They are a reflection of you, the way you think, the way you behave. If you don't like what you see, then you need to re-evaluate your behaviour in order to attract higher value friendships.
If this topic is something you are interested in, drop me a comment below. I am writing a book about recovering from toxic relationships and living in alignment with your highest self. I'm very passionate about this topic and happy to share more content if it interests you, my darlings.
Remember, keep your circle of light pure and high value, and have fun with your pig friends. Life is too short for unnecessary drama, and especially low vibration friendships.
Love & light